First birthday without dad

This was my first birthday without dad and like all of the other ‘First without Dad’ events it was tough.  It is always the little things that hit you and remind you there is no coming back, there is no talking to him again, there is no getting advice from him.  Just writing this right now stings and it makes me question why I am even doing it.  It requires me to take a break just to get through this thing.

2010 is coming to an end which has been a year of new beginnings with the birth of my first child and one of painful endings with the passing of my Father.  My Father was someone who was always the tough guy, not necessarily larger than life but a dominant personality and a presence that no one would ever overlook.  Someone who would joke around with complete strangers sometimes to the point where we would have to tell him, “Settle down, they do not know how to take you.”

The most difficult part at this moment is thinking of all the things that Gia and others will miss out on.  I got almost 31 years with my dad.  I know my dad would have been the best Grandpa because he knew how to joke around and have fun with kids.  Plus he had more of the cool toys including tractors, combines, and everything out on a farm that is larger than life to a kid.  There is no replacing what has been lost and I do not even know how to begin to fill the void that has been left.

There were not always good times, but they were all times that shaped me into the man I am today and I am happy with who I am.  There were a shit-load of good times.  Like Mom said, “It was not always a perfect picture, but there were a lot of perfect pieces.”

Shawn